Once upon a time, is how all good stories start so let's start this one that way.
Somewhere in my memories are thoughts about hard times. How about having to leave the library table that Grandmother brought from Norway behind so that the weight of the wagon isn't too hard to get up the mountain side? Or how about not having enough water for everyone and having to shoot the worst of the horses so that the rest could make it? Maybe wondering what to feed everyone when everything was used up? Burdock root soup again? Going through wooded areas where the trees were so dense that we couldn't find enough grass to feed the stock and had to kill the cow to keep the horses alive. The first major river took the books that I liked. Having to go the last 200 miles on foot and getting to the point that you didn't care if you made it or not? The dishes that were given to us for a wedding gift were traded for salt about 500 miles back.
Life is full of things like that. I think everyone that I know has done it, maybe not in this lifetime but they have.
It is hard holding onto a goal that gets to feel like it isn't worth the effort. And a lot of people did give up on the trail. This life isn't for the weak. You have to be strong to endure.
Do you have these memories? I do. I know about all the lessons that were there. One that I carry is that people are more important than things. I have revisited that lesson many times. Sometimes to my regret when the person you have put faith in decides to give up. They all start out on the voyage with big plans and big expectations but when it doesn't fit the plan that they had, they cave in and need to be carried. I haven't minded carrying someone until they recover and get their feet under them but the ones who feel that they deserve to be carried really bother me.
Life is about struggle. Everyone has to make decisions. Having to figure out a plan B and sometimes it even comes down to Plan Z but we are still trying to work it out. Some settled for much less than they had planned but found that the struggle isn't as hard that way. They had set their goals too high and were forever finding blocks to getting there. After settling for a lesser goal, they were much happier.
When one is finding the way too steep, it is time to scout around and find an easier way up and over. Many times this adds time and miles to our plans but life is a little less challenging.
There will always be things in your path to create blocks to easy access but how you deal with these things determines your character.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Justice is Blindfolded
Once upon a time when God was a lot younger, I divorced the father of my children.
Never having been in court before, I was sure that it was just this side of church and felt that whatever happened would be fair and just.
I was right. The Judge listened to this and to that and then in his wisdom announced that I would need child support to take care of my three children. Now I could see why people hold the justice system up so high and almost revere it. This Judge was indeed a very wise man.
Three months went by and I was expecting some financial help, based on what I had heard in court. Nothing arrived but I continued to do my best to make sure that my children were cared for.
Finally I decided to write to the Judge, this very wise man. I told him that on such and such a date he had given a decision that said I was to receive some financial help with the children. I told him that to date, I had received nothing.
I got a letter from the Judge which stated that "It is the duty of the court…." It was right out of some rule book, perhaps Robert's Rules of Order or the Masonic Order, I wasn't sure but basically the bottom line was that, should I be unhappy with the judgment I should come back into court.
I studied that letter for a long time. What was he really telling me? He really was saying that he had no power to enforce his proclamations. His only power was to tell people to sit down or stand up or pound that gavel for one reason or another. He was not a very powerful person. He wasn't even very wise.
After studying the letter, I made a proclamation myself. Mine was based on being practical and I think I was a bit wiser than the Judge. I decided at that time that the legal system is not based on wisdom but the whim of the people playing that game.
The proclamation that was made that day was not to go back to court but to use the money that I would have used to get another worthless judgment; to pay the dentist, to buy shoes. With kids there is always something and the legal system is based on rules in some book but not on life.
To this day I have seen a lot of very unwise things that are done in the name of Justice. I truly understand why she is blindfolded. I would not want to see what was happening in my name either if this is the way it goes.
Were I to be chosen to be on a jury today, no matter what the person had done, I would vote not guilty. Why don't we vote innocent, why is it not guilty. Perhaps there is no innocence in a court room? I have listened to some things in court and the jury is asked to make a judgment based on less information than I would need to give one of my children permission to go somewhere.
My sister told me about the juries that she has been on and how they always make her cry because she says, "We are deciding a man's life." And they tell her that if she goes along with them, they can go home that day. Then I hear, it is the best system. Is it? When only 2% of the people can get heard on appeal just because some people wanted to go home early.
Wisdom has left the building, Justice close your eyes.
Never having been in court before, I was sure that it was just this side of church and felt that whatever happened would be fair and just.
I was right. The Judge listened to this and to that and then in his wisdom announced that I would need child support to take care of my three children. Now I could see why people hold the justice system up so high and almost revere it. This Judge was indeed a very wise man.
Three months went by and I was expecting some financial help, based on what I had heard in court. Nothing arrived but I continued to do my best to make sure that my children were cared for.
Finally I decided to write to the Judge, this very wise man. I told him that on such and such a date he had given a decision that said I was to receive some financial help with the children. I told him that to date, I had received nothing.
I got a letter from the Judge which stated that "It is the duty of the court…." It was right out of some rule book, perhaps Robert's Rules of Order or the Masonic Order, I wasn't sure but basically the bottom line was that, should I be unhappy with the judgment I should come back into court.
I studied that letter for a long time. What was he really telling me? He really was saying that he had no power to enforce his proclamations. His only power was to tell people to sit down or stand up or pound that gavel for one reason or another. He was not a very powerful person. He wasn't even very wise.
After studying the letter, I made a proclamation myself. Mine was based on being practical and I think I was a bit wiser than the Judge. I decided at that time that the legal system is not based on wisdom but the whim of the people playing that game.
The proclamation that was made that day was not to go back to court but to use the money that I would have used to get another worthless judgment; to pay the dentist, to buy shoes. With kids there is always something and the legal system is based on rules in some book but not on life.
To this day I have seen a lot of very unwise things that are done in the name of Justice. I truly understand why she is blindfolded. I would not want to see what was happening in my name either if this is the way it goes.
Were I to be chosen to be on a jury today, no matter what the person had done, I would vote not guilty. Why don't we vote innocent, why is it not guilty. Perhaps there is no innocence in a court room? I have listened to some things in court and the jury is asked to make a judgment based on less information than I would need to give one of my children permission to go somewhere.
My sister told me about the juries that she has been on and how they always make her cry because she says, "We are deciding a man's life." And they tell her that if she goes along with them, they can go home that day. Then I hear, it is the best system. Is it? When only 2% of the people can get heard on appeal just because some people wanted to go home early.
Wisdom has left the building, Justice close your eyes.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Cub Scouts
What did you do this week?
This week we worked on our pledge and salute and all the things we have to know for the pack meeting next week. We talked about the flag and how it gets displayed with the American flag. We talked about Mrs. G's rules. She has them posted but Johnny and Lenny ran in her house and that is against the rules. It is OK to run in the back yard but not in the house so..Kind of a bummer.
What did you do this week?
We had pieces of rope and learned to make different kinds of knots. It was really fun. When we get home can I show you a square knot?
That would be nice.
What did you do this week?
Remember that permission slip that you signed last night? Well, we all piled into the station wagon and went to the animal shelter. They had all sorts of dogs and cats. There was one dog that really looked so sad that I wanted to bring him home. Can we have a dog someday? They even had puppies and kittens. I saw a black puppy that was so little. We got to hold them in our hands. Then a lady told us about the people that work there. They clean the cages, but it isn't like little cages, they are really big. They walk the dogs outside sometimes and even give them a bath and feed them and everything. It was really neat.
What did you do this week?
First we made a card to send to the animal shelter. Each of us has to write something on it. This card was as big as our kitchen table and we could write really big. We were supposed to thank them for letting us come there and play with the animals.
Then we had a snack and talked about the knots that we learned about. If we could show Mrs. G. how to make three or four knots, then she would sign off on one of the things that we need to toward our Wolf points.
What did you do this week?
Mrs. G. had some bamboo that she cut from a neighbor's yard and we each got one. Then she showed us how to put a cord on it and we made a fishing pole out of it. At the end of the line we tied a magnet with one of our knots. We went into the front yard and were not allowed on the grass because that was water and we had to stand on the sidewalk or the driveway and see if we could catch fish with our magnet. The "water" was full of metal things that we could bring up and catch. Doug got the most "Fish" so he got some marbles. I only caught 8 things but it was fun fishing in her front yard. Then we had snacks.
What did you do this week?
I can't tell you because we are making a present but we really worked hard today. Whoever wasn't working on their project was at the table making a card to go with their present. We had a nice talk when we had snacks. Lenny told us that he gave Maria a ring this week. I don't think that is really a good thing but Lenny said that his big brothers do it all the time and Lenny really likes Maria.
What did you do this week?
Wow! Look, I won the marbles today. When we got there the whole back yard was full of string. I mean that there was yarn all over the place even in the tree and around the swing set. Just every where. Each of us got a different colored ball to wind up the yarn. Mine was Blue. When Mrs. G. said "go" we started winding it up and sometimes we had to throw our balls over branches and stuff. One time I had to untwist mine with Billy's red yarn. This took a long time but it was really fun. When we got it all wound up, the first one back got a bag of marbles. This time I won. That was really fun. I am really fast.
What did you do this week?
Mrs. G. said that because we all had gotten our knot arrow points, we were going to work on another point toward our wolf badge. So we each had to sew a button on a piece of material. Bobby stuck the needle in his finger and it started to bleed all over the place but it stopped and he got a bandaide. After we got the button on, we had to sew two pieces of material together. They really didn't look very good but if Mrs. G. couldn't pull them apart. We got credit. We talked about why sewing is important, like making a tent with material and fixing clothes. I don't know if we will have to make things like that but we did it.
What did you do this week?
We all walked around the whole tract of houses and picked up junk. There was a little area that was full of small trees and bushes. It had so much paper and even bottles in there. We spent a lot of time cleaning that up and even put a sign on a bush saying that it was cleaned by Den 4. We went back for our snacks and we talked about community service. How important it is to clean our neighborhoods. If we do this sometime this week and you sign this note that I did, then I get credit for it in community service. I can do that on Saturday, if that is OK?
What did you do this week?
We are writing a puppet show for the pack meeting next month. We are all going to be sock puppets and we had to decide what we wanted to say. Mrs. G said that it was our puppet show so she was only there to assist. We came up with a really funny show and next week we will make our puppets. Lenny wanted to be a bear but Bobby already was one. Mrs. G. said that there could be two bears if the show called for it. I decided that I would be a wolf. I have to find pictures of wolves before next week so I can make my puppet.
What did you do this week?
It was so dumb, we all made puppets and we are all bears. I didn't want to be a bear but that is how it turned out. Billy was upset because his puppet didn't look very nice. We sewed buttons on for eyes and glued some yarn for hair all over and then we had to read the story that we wrote but we changed it a lot from last week. I guess it will be OK. It is kind'a a dumb show but we are going to do it anyway.
What did you do this week?
We talked about how ever one liked out show and that we were proud to do it. We also talked about the money stuff that was mentioned at the Pack meeting. Most of us got out community service arrow points but Lenny didn't so we thought maybe we could all help him out. They want us to collect newspapers and bring them to the next meeting. Mrs. G said that she would store them until the Pack meetin and if Lenny would bring a bundle of papers in, she thought that would be the rest of his community service points. I think they get money for the papers?
What did you do this week?
See what I made this week. We worked in Mrs. G's kitchen making cookies. We mixed everything up and then rolled it out and everyone got to use the cookie cutters to make a different shapes. I made cookies that look like a man and I also made a few turkeys and even a couple of stars. Then we baked them and brought them out to cool. We had some juice and then came back and decorated them. I brought the two man cookies home for you to see. I ate the stars and we decided to save some of them for next week. Mrs. G. said that this would be applied to our cooking points but that we need to make some stuff at home and you have to sign this slip saying that I did. It can be sandwiches or something. She suggested that we help with dinner a few times.
What did you do this week?
We had some more kids join our group. Some Den mother quit and Mrs. G. said that they could join our group. I know Randy and Donny from school but Dean must go to another school somewhere or maybe he is new at our school. Anyway, we just sat there and one of us had to read the rules so that the new people would know them. It was boring. We did get to eat the rest of the cookies from last week. We talked about going to the fly-in if our parents will let us. I need you to sign this slip so I can go. We might even ride in an airplane if you OK it. Please,please say that you will.
What did you do this week?
We went to the airport and climbed through a lot of airplanes. Dean's mother went with us and she is really nice. They had rides for kids at a penny a pound and each person whose parents signed was allowed to go up. It was really fun. Mrs. G and Dean's mother didn't fly because they stayed with whoever wasn't in the plane. Only three of us could go at a time. It was really neat. Some of the planes are so big. Some of them could hold this car. That was really fun.
What did you do this week?
Remember when we made those shoe scrapers out of wood and bottle tops? Well, today we talked about tools and I think Dean's Dad must do a lot of woodworking because Dean knew a lot of the different tools that we had to name. We talked about keeping them clean and sharp and how to use them. Mrs. G. said that with our project and today, we will be able to get another point at the Pack meeting.
What did you do this week?
We talked about collecting things. I told them about my rocks and Billy has a collection of matchbox cars. We can bring these things in and talk about them another time. Lenny has a box of things but I don't know if that is a collection. What do you think a collection is? Dad, do you have a collection of anything?
What did you do this week?
We talked about camping out in Mrs. G's back yard. She is going to get some tents and then we can spend a night out there. We need to have a sleeping bag and a flashlight. Do we have a flash light that I can take?
I got to bandage Donny up today. Everyone had to work on someone else. We talked about what to do about cuts and putting bandages on someone. We even used out neck scarves to do this. Did you know that you can keep from getting colds just by washing your hands a lot? Can you help me write a fire drill for our house so I can bring it next meeting?
What did you do this week?
We had fun at Cub Scouts.
This week we worked on our pledge and salute and all the things we have to know for the pack meeting next week. We talked about the flag and how it gets displayed with the American flag. We talked about Mrs. G's rules. She has them posted but Johnny and Lenny ran in her house and that is against the rules. It is OK to run in the back yard but not in the house so..Kind of a bummer.
What did you do this week?
We had pieces of rope and learned to make different kinds of knots. It was really fun. When we get home can I show you a square knot?
That would be nice.
What did you do this week?
Remember that permission slip that you signed last night? Well, we all piled into the station wagon and went to the animal shelter. They had all sorts of dogs and cats. There was one dog that really looked so sad that I wanted to bring him home. Can we have a dog someday? They even had puppies and kittens. I saw a black puppy that was so little. We got to hold them in our hands. Then a lady told us about the people that work there. They clean the cages, but it isn't like little cages, they are really big. They walk the dogs outside sometimes and even give them a bath and feed them and everything. It was really neat.
What did you do this week?
First we made a card to send to the animal shelter. Each of us has to write something on it. This card was as big as our kitchen table and we could write really big. We were supposed to thank them for letting us come there and play with the animals.
Then we had a snack and talked about the knots that we learned about. If we could show Mrs. G. how to make three or four knots, then she would sign off on one of the things that we need to toward our Wolf points.
What did you do this week?
Mrs. G. had some bamboo that she cut from a neighbor's yard and we each got one. Then she showed us how to put a cord on it and we made a fishing pole out of it. At the end of the line we tied a magnet with one of our knots. We went into the front yard and were not allowed on the grass because that was water and we had to stand on the sidewalk or the driveway and see if we could catch fish with our magnet. The "water" was full of metal things that we could bring up and catch. Doug got the most "Fish" so he got some marbles. I only caught 8 things but it was fun fishing in her front yard. Then we had snacks.
What did you do this week?
I can't tell you because we are making a present but we really worked hard today. Whoever wasn't working on their project was at the table making a card to go with their present. We had a nice talk when we had snacks. Lenny told us that he gave Maria a ring this week. I don't think that is really a good thing but Lenny said that his big brothers do it all the time and Lenny really likes Maria.
What did you do this week?
Wow! Look, I won the marbles today. When we got there the whole back yard was full of string. I mean that there was yarn all over the place even in the tree and around the swing set. Just every where. Each of us got a different colored ball to wind up the yarn. Mine was Blue. When Mrs. G. said "go" we started winding it up and sometimes we had to throw our balls over branches and stuff. One time I had to untwist mine with Billy's red yarn. This took a long time but it was really fun. When we got it all wound up, the first one back got a bag of marbles. This time I won. That was really fun. I am really fast.
What did you do this week?
Mrs. G. said that because we all had gotten our knot arrow points, we were going to work on another point toward our wolf badge. So we each had to sew a button on a piece of material. Bobby stuck the needle in his finger and it started to bleed all over the place but it stopped and he got a bandaide. After we got the button on, we had to sew two pieces of material together. They really didn't look very good but if Mrs. G. couldn't pull them apart. We got credit. We talked about why sewing is important, like making a tent with material and fixing clothes. I don't know if we will have to make things like that but we did it.
What did you do this week?
We all walked around the whole tract of houses and picked up junk. There was a little area that was full of small trees and bushes. It had so much paper and even bottles in there. We spent a lot of time cleaning that up and even put a sign on a bush saying that it was cleaned by Den 4. We went back for our snacks and we talked about community service. How important it is to clean our neighborhoods. If we do this sometime this week and you sign this note that I did, then I get credit for it in community service. I can do that on Saturday, if that is OK?
What did you do this week?
We are writing a puppet show for the pack meeting next month. We are all going to be sock puppets and we had to decide what we wanted to say. Mrs. G said that it was our puppet show so she was only there to assist. We came up with a really funny show and next week we will make our puppets. Lenny wanted to be a bear but Bobby already was one. Mrs. G. said that there could be two bears if the show called for it. I decided that I would be a wolf. I have to find pictures of wolves before next week so I can make my puppet.
What did you do this week?
It was so dumb, we all made puppets and we are all bears. I didn't want to be a bear but that is how it turned out. Billy was upset because his puppet didn't look very nice. We sewed buttons on for eyes and glued some yarn for hair all over and then we had to read the story that we wrote but we changed it a lot from last week. I guess it will be OK. It is kind'a a dumb show but we are going to do it anyway.
What did you do this week?
We talked about how ever one liked out show and that we were proud to do it. We also talked about the money stuff that was mentioned at the Pack meeting. Most of us got out community service arrow points but Lenny didn't so we thought maybe we could all help him out. They want us to collect newspapers and bring them to the next meeting. Mrs. G said that she would store them until the Pack meetin and if Lenny would bring a bundle of papers in, she thought that would be the rest of his community service points. I think they get money for the papers?
What did you do this week?
See what I made this week. We worked in Mrs. G's kitchen making cookies. We mixed everything up and then rolled it out and everyone got to use the cookie cutters to make a different shapes. I made cookies that look like a man and I also made a few turkeys and even a couple of stars. Then we baked them and brought them out to cool. We had some juice and then came back and decorated them. I brought the two man cookies home for you to see. I ate the stars and we decided to save some of them for next week. Mrs. G. said that this would be applied to our cooking points but that we need to make some stuff at home and you have to sign this slip saying that I did. It can be sandwiches or something. She suggested that we help with dinner a few times.
What did you do this week?
We had some more kids join our group. Some Den mother quit and Mrs. G. said that they could join our group. I know Randy and Donny from school but Dean must go to another school somewhere or maybe he is new at our school. Anyway, we just sat there and one of us had to read the rules so that the new people would know them. It was boring. We did get to eat the rest of the cookies from last week. We talked about going to the fly-in if our parents will let us. I need you to sign this slip so I can go. We might even ride in an airplane if you OK it. Please,please say that you will.
What did you do this week?
We went to the airport and climbed through a lot of airplanes. Dean's mother went with us and she is really nice. They had rides for kids at a penny a pound and each person whose parents signed was allowed to go up. It was really fun. Mrs. G and Dean's mother didn't fly because they stayed with whoever wasn't in the plane. Only three of us could go at a time. It was really neat. Some of the planes are so big. Some of them could hold this car. That was really fun.
What did you do this week?
Remember when we made those shoe scrapers out of wood and bottle tops? Well, today we talked about tools and I think Dean's Dad must do a lot of woodworking because Dean knew a lot of the different tools that we had to name. We talked about keeping them clean and sharp and how to use them. Mrs. G. said that with our project and today, we will be able to get another point at the Pack meeting.
What did you do this week?
We talked about collecting things. I told them about my rocks and Billy has a collection of matchbox cars. We can bring these things in and talk about them another time. Lenny has a box of things but I don't know if that is a collection. What do you think a collection is? Dad, do you have a collection of anything?
What did you do this week?
We talked about camping out in Mrs. G's back yard. She is going to get some tents and then we can spend a night out there. We need to have a sleeping bag and a flashlight. Do we have a flash light that I can take?
I got to bandage Donny up today. Everyone had to work on someone else. We talked about what to do about cuts and putting bandages on someone. We even used out neck scarves to do this. Did you know that you can keep from getting colds just by washing your hands a lot? Can you help me write a fire drill for our house so I can bring it next meeting?
What did you do this week?
We had fun at Cub Scouts.
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Good Morning
Today was the day to head for the library to take an already read book back and get a couple of new ones. I was looking forward to checking out The Girl With No Shadow, a sequel to the hit movie CHOCOLAT.
After having breakfast and getting me put together, I got on my bike and headed out. The day was in the high 60s and so comfortable, just right for biking.
I got less than a block from my home when I met another biker who called out to me, Good Morning. For some reason this hit me as being unusually friendly. I don't remember people calling out, Good Morning to me. It was a good morning so I soaked the words into my whole being.
How come these words were so powerful on this very morning? Why did they seem to transform my being? How come that I am not used to them?
Traveling on, I met walkers coming from the direction that I was headed. Some of them had head phones on, listening to something on their radios. They just smiled, maybe one might nod in my direction. (Do you think that they saw the transformation the "Good Morning" had made?)
Then I met an elderly man who looked in my direction and said, "Good Morning." I returned the greeting and pedaled on. Now I was saying Good Morning. Wow, this stuff was catching. I usually just say, Hi when I am riding my bike to the post office or the library but today I was infected with a "Good Morning."
Why was this day different from other days? Yes, it was a delightful day. The sun was out but it wasn't overly warm and the wind wasn't blowing. Everything was just right.
Then it hit me. I usually run my errands later in the day. No one ever says, "Good Afternoon."
They might say something like, "Beautiful day" or "nice weather" but never "Good Afternoon".
As a rule, I am not an early person. Today was very different.
Sometimes we need to vary what we do in life just to experience something different. When we do this, magic can happen in our lives. We can see and hear things that we haven't before or at least not for a very long time.
Life is full of wonderful moments that sparkle.
After having breakfast and getting me put together, I got on my bike and headed out. The day was in the high 60s and so comfortable, just right for biking.
I got less than a block from my home when I met another biker who called out to me, Good Morning. For some reason this hit me as being unusually friendly. I don't remember people calling out, Good Morning to me. It was a good morning so I soaked the words into my whole being.
How come these words were so powerful on this very morning? Why did they seem to transform my being? How come that I am not used to them?
Traveling on, I met walkers coming from the direction that I was headed. Some of them had head phones on, listening to something on their radios. They just smiled, maybe one might nod in my direction. (Do you think that they saw the transformation the "Good Morning" had made?)
Then I met an elderly man who looked in my direction and said, "Good Morning." I returned the greeting and pedaled on. Now I was saying Good Morning. Wow, this stuff was catching. I usually just say, Hi when I am riding my bike to the post office or the library but today I was infected with a "Good Morning."
Why was this day different from other days? Yes, it was a delightful day. The sun was out but it wasn't overly warm and the wind wasn't blowing. Everything was just right.
Then it hit me. I usually run my errands later in the day. No one ever says, "Good Afternoon."
They might say something like, "Beautiful day" or "nice weather" but never "Good Afternoon".
As a rule, I am not an early person. Today was very different.
Sometimes we need to vary what we do in life just to experience something different. When we do this, magic can happen in our lives. We can see and hear things that we haven't before or at least not for a very long time.
Life is full of wonderful moments that sparkle.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Hurting and Anger
Why is anger such a hard thing to deal with? One would think at my age, I would have a handle on how to deal with anger but I haven't. How do other people deal with it? I see people who swallow it and move ahead. Other people start habits that are detrimental to their health such as drinking or smoking. I lash out with words or cry, sometimes both.
Life isn't always fair but when one knows that they have been treated badly intentionally, what can one do?
One would think that I would have worked out a way to deal with this by now. I wish that I could say that I dive into a book to get lost in the words or smash glass bottles in my garage but when one is hurting from games that others are playing, what can one really do?
My son has been angry for 8 years and I can completely relate to his anger. When someone tells him to "cool it", they don't feel his anger. They don't know how the whole inside of him is hurting because of the unfairness of it all.
I have to admit that my latest hurt has only lasted four months but I can't seem to stop being angry at the person who inflicted this.
Looking at what my son has had to go through from my new perspective, I can see why he can't let go of any of his anger. I am having trouble letting go of mine.
Do people know when they are causing this much hurt and do they do this on purpose? From here I would say the answer to this is both yes and no. As in my son's case, they knew what they were doing; they just needed to throw their weight around… Hey, that is just what my thing is about too. This man decided to play games with me; he didn't care how I was feeling.
Over the course of the years people have hurt my feelings and it has taken me a while to get over the hurt. Most of the time I go from hurting to hating. Even today I have a hurt that was done a long time ago and although this person thinks we are friends, I can't be his friend. Maybe they don't mean to hurt us. Maybe they think that if they do it quickly, we will get over it faster? I have heard that one and it doesn't hurt any less.
The hurt that I am experiencing today is due to the fact that I was trying to handle a problem and I got stonewalled. That isn't a problem. I continued to work on this and the person that was creating this problem continued to tell me that it couldn't be done but after months of trying to work this out myself, I ask my husband to deal with this and it gets handled that day. That is the hurt! Why couldn't this have been done months ago when I was trying to work this out? Why did it take a man to deal with it? Why as a woman, I wasn't good enough to work this out? That hurts so much and it is just ego but it still hurts.
When my son's stuff gets settled and it will, what will it take to find out all the things that the system did wrong and clear this man of something he never did? How long will he hurt? Will this… no,it will be a part of his life for the rest of his life. He will feel this anger and hurt for the rest of his natural life. I never knew how to get rid of anger so how could I teach him.
I know they have classes on anger management. They must have ways to get this out of one's life so it doesn't impinge on all the rest of it but from here, I haven't figured out how to do this. My usual method is to distance myself from what caused the upset.
Let's look at the other side of anger. I know that I have angered others. How have they dealt with it? I guess some have tried to hurt me back in one way or another. Some have distanced themselves from me. Some try to worm their way back and some just put on a good front when we have to interact.
Have you heard about forgiving them? I have heard of this. What does it mean to forgive someone who has hurt you so much that you feel like you will never be the same? Can you forgive someone who has changed the whole course of your life to something that you never thought it would be? How does this work? I say, "I forgive you" and that makes everything better? Then why doesn't that heavy hurting place in my body stop hurting? Where can I put that? Is it possible to make it get smaller so that one doesn't notice it all the time?
I guess I have a lot to learn yet. Maybe I will live to be 80 because I seem to be a slow learner.
Life isn't always fair but when one knows that they have been treated badly intentionally, what can one do?
One would think that I would have worked out a way to deal with this by now. I wish that I could say that I dive into a book to get lost in the words or smash glass bottles in my garage but when one is hurting from games that others are playing, what can one really do?
My son has been angry for 8 years and I can completely relate to his anger. When someone tells him to "cool it", they don't feel his anger. They don't know how the whole inside of him is hurting because of the unfairness of it all.
I have to admit that my latest hurt has only lasted four months but I can't seem to stop being angry at the person who inflicted this.
Looking at what my son has had to go through from my new perspective, I can see why he can't let go of any of his anger. I am having trouble letting go of mine.
Do people know when they are causing this much hurt and do they do this on purpose? From here I would say the answer to this is both yes and no. As in my son's case, they knew what they were doing; they just needed to throw their weight around… Hey, that is just what my thing is about too. This man decided to play games with me; he didn't care how I was feeling.
Over the course of the years people have hurt my feelings and it has taken me a while to get over the hurt. Most of the time I go from hurting to hating. Even today I have a hurt that was done a long time ago and although this person thinks we are friends, I can't be his friend. Maybe they don't mean to hurt us. Maybe they think that if they do it quickly, we will get over it faster? I have heard that one and it doesn't hurt any less.
The hurt that I am experiencing today is due to the fact that I was trying to handle a problem and I got stonewalled. That isn't a problem. I continued to work on this and the person that was creating this problem continued to tell me that it couldn't be done but after months of trying to work this out myself, I ask my husband to deal with this and it gets handled that day. That is the hurt! Why couldn't this have been done months ago when I was trying to work this out? Why did it take a man to deal with it? Why as a woman, I wasn't good enough to work this out? That hurts so much and it is just ego but it still hurts.
When my son's stuff gets settled and it will, what will it take to find out all the things that the system did wrong and clear this man of something he never did? How long will he hurt? Will this… no,it will be a part of his life for the rest of his life. He will feel this anger and hurt for the rest of his natural life. I never knew how to get rid of anger so how could I teach him.
I know they have classes on anger management. They must have ways to get this out of one's life so it doesn't impinge on all the rest of it but from here, I haven't figured out how to do this. My usual method is to distance myself from what caused the upset.
Let's look at the other side of anger. I know that I have angered others. How have they dealt with it? I guess some have tried to hurt me back in one way or another. Some have distanced themselves from me. Some try to worm their way back and some just put on a good front when we have to interact.
Have you heard about forgiving them? I have heard of this. What does it mean to forgive someone who has hurt you so much that you feel like you will never be the same? Can you forgive someone who has changed the whole course of your life to something that you never thought it would be? How does this work? I say, "I forgive you" and that makes everything better? Then why doesn't that heavy hurting place in my body stop hurting? Where can I put that? Is it possible to make it get smaller so that one doesn't notice it all the time?
I guess I have a lot to learn yet. Maybe I will live to be 80 because I seem to be a slow learner.
Thursday, April 16, 2009
Angels
What do we know about Angels? We know that they are of assistants to God. We know that they help mankind from time to time. Most of us know that we each have one or more to help and sometimes to nudge us in the right direction.
There are books about Angels and movies about them but what do we really know about them?
We have just gone through the Passover holiday, in which Angels were said to pass over the houses of the Righteous.
Many people that I know communicate with Angels in their world. In my world, I was given the gift to view my Angels; which I might add, do not have bodies as we know them.
Do you know that some people don't even believe in Angels?
One of my students told me that her husband meditated on a person and then did a wood carving of that person's Angel. I thought that was a wonderful idea so I told her that I would pay him to do this. When I got this wood carving back, I was appalled. Here was a being that looked like Dolly Pardon with wings. To present to me a wood carving that had large breasts upset me. The first thing that was so appalling was the fact that this man thinks Angels have bodies. Angels have never lived on this planet so they have no need of a body, they are asexual in nature.
Even as human beings, our souls are asexual. We have been both male and female from time to time. But Angels have never lived in a three dimensional body, therefore they have no need of one. I do believe that there are times that they can create a body to appear to a human and be helpful but then they are also created in the image of God so they could create whatever was needed.
The Angels have been depicted with robes which are normal as both men and women wear robes. I have even seen Angel pictures with long hair that could be on both male or female but I guess it was the breasts that upset me. I see no purpose for an Angel to have mammary glands designed to nourish young as Angels do not reproduce.
What humans do is attach their thought patterns to all things. They do not see beyond the three dimensional illusion of life. Perhaps that is why we have never known beings from out in space, a space that is multidimensional.
How can we communicate with our Angels? We can listen to the sounds around us. They are always trying to be of assistance. The big stop on this is that this is a planet of choice. This means that we are allowed to make our own decisions. The rules are that they can put choices in front of us that might be helpful but they are not allowed to tell us what to do.
Sometimes it is easier to communicate when we leave this world for theirs. At night when we are sleeping and have allowed the body to rest, we venture into many different worlds and it is in these dimensions that we get answers to our problems.
One of the best things is to ask to be given an answer before one goes to sleep. I am always amazed to wake up with some wonderful idea.
Let's talk about fear. How did fear get into this discussion? It has always been there. We are the most fearful beings anywhere. From the time of the middle ages and before, we have been taught to pray to God to keep us safe at night. Why would that be important? Because people always knew that the soul travels at night into many areas and they.. fear what might happen.
The biggest fear is that someone else or something else might take over our body as we sleep. Hey, that is a silly fear as we have a contract on this body and unless we give up that contract, it is ours! Not all of us live up to our contract that says we will tend the body until it wears out.
We don't always feed it right or keep it working properly but for the most part, it is ours for the duration of its life. A big fear is the death of this body. We are not a body but a living soul that uses the body to function in this dimension. Why do we fear the death of this body? Because it is all most of us know or remember. Those who remember other bodies, do not fear death.
We work very hard to overcome the fears that we have been taught. Angels try to make us feel good about life and they even try to get us to find joy in it. They really work very hard for us. They don't want to be thanked but would ask that you give your thanks to God, who is basically their boss.
While you take your shower today or go for that walk, look around and see how many things are there because God's world is being tended by everyone, seen or unseen. Listen and you will hear from your Angel. He might only tell you to smile.
There are books about Angels and movies about them but what do we really know about them?
We have just gone through the Passover holiday, in which Angels were said to pass over the houses of the Righteous.
Many people that I know communicate with Angels in their world. In my world, I was given the gift to view my Angels; which I might add, do not have bodies as we know them.
Do you know that some people don't even believe in Angels?
One of my students told me that her husband meditated on a person and then did a wood carving of that person's Angel. I thought that was a wonderful idea so I told her that I would pay him to do this. When I got this wood carving back, I was appalled. Here was a being that looked like Dolly Pardon with wings. To present to me a wood carving that had large breasts upset me. The first thing that was so appalling was the fact that this man thinks Angels have bodies. Angels have never lived on this planet so they have no need of a body, they are asexual in nature.
Even as human beings, our souls are asexual. We have been both male and female from time to time. But Angels have never lived in a three dimensional body, therefore they have no need of one. I do believe that there are times that they can create a body to appear to a human and be helpful but then they are also created in the image of God so they could create whatever was needed.
The Angels have been depicted with robes which are normal as both men and women wear robes. I have even seen Angel pictures with long hair that could be on both male or female but I guess it was the breasts that upset me. I see no purpose for an Angel to have mammary glands designed to nourish young as Angels do not reproduce.
What humans do is attach their thought patterns to all things. They do not see beyond the three dimensional illusion of life. Perhaps that is why we have never known beings from out in space, a space that is multidimensional.
How can we communicate with our Angels? We can listen to the sounds around us. They are always trying to be of assistance. The big stop on this is that this is a planet of choice. This means that we are allowed to make our own decisions. The rules are that they can put choices in front of us that might be helpful but they are not allowed to tell us what to do.
Sometimes it is easier to communicate when we leave this world for theirs. At night when we are sleeping and have allowed the body to rest, we venture into many different worlds and it is in these dimensions that we get answers to our problems.
One of the best things is to ask to be given an answer before one goes to sleep. I am always amazed to wake up with some wonderful idea.
Let's talk about fear. How did fear get into this discussion? It has always been there. We are the most fearful beings anywhere. From the time of the middle ages and before, we have been taught to pray to God to keep us safe at night. Why would that be important? Because people always knew that the soul travels at night into many areas and they.. fear what might happen.
The biggest fear is that someone else or something else might take over our body as we sleep. Hey, that is a silly fear as we have a contract on this body and unless we give up that contract, it is ours! Not all of us live up to our contract that says we will tend the body until it wears out.
We don't always feed it right or keep it working properly but for the most part, it is ours for the duration of its life. A big fear is the death of this body. We are not a body but a living soul that uses the body to function in this dimension. Why do we fear the death of this body? Because it is all most of us know or remember. Those who remember other bodies, do not fear death.
We work very hard to overcome the fears that we have been taught. Angels try to make us feel good about life and they even try to get us to find joy in it. They really work very hard for us. They don't want to be thanked but would ask that you give your thanks to God, who is basically their boss.
While you take your shower today or go for that walk, look around and see how many things are there because God's world is being tended by everyone, seen or unseen. Listen and you will hear from your Angel. He might only tell you to smile.
Sunday, March 15, 2009
My Run-away
Yesterday I decided that I needed to run away from the house. I had all my chores done and had sent my manuscript to the publisher. It just seemed like a day to "get-away."
At first I invited a girlfriend to go with me to the Art Museum to a show that I have wanted to see but her sister was visiting so they couldn't go.
My next choice was the Milwaukee Domes. These are three large glass domes that house different environments. When I got there, they weren't charging any one to get in including the three bus-loads of children from a grade school outside of this area. So as you can imagine there were children all over the place. It made for a rather nice environment for me as I had spent most of my last four months as a recluse, writing my book.
I enjoyed the energy of the children and their curiosity is the most exciting thing about children. They were busy but well behaved and it was just fun to be with that much energy.
I walked through the "desert" dome and watched the children touch the plants with thorns on them, then back off.
I saw a man studying the fruit of a tree that looked like olives but the tree wasn't that of an olive tree. I asked him what it was and he didn't know so I went around the tree and found out it was a Dragon Blood tree that was over 100 years old. I remember someone wanting information on Dragon Blood at one time in the past and I had done research on it. I remembered that the sap or resin was used in the Middle East a great deal. I don't remember more about it at this time.
Walking on I found my friend Chaparral and asked her for one of her leaves. Thanking her, I chewed on it.
Next I went into the Tropical dome. The humidity had really changed. In the "tropical" dome, the children were marveling at the size of the fish in the pond.
I am in the market for some art for the cover of my book so my target was to find "Magic" in here, in some form. The children were starting to be rounded up and put back on the bus so it was a bit quieter now. I noticed a man taking a picture of the flower of a bromide so I went over to see how it came out. He did a good job. Later I saw a man taking pictures so I asked if he had found "magic" here, he smiled and told me it was everywhere. Then I saw a lady with a very expensive camera on the other side of the dome and hoped that she would stay there while I followed the paths. I went up to her and asked if she had found "Magic". She told me that she was looking for it. She is a painter and is in the middle of changing what she paints. I told her why I was asking and we exchanged cards. Then she introduced me to the man that I had talked to a little while ago, explaining that he was a professional photographer visiting from Scotland. I got his card. She told me to look at her paintings on her website and gave me her card. I was about to leave she introduced me to her husband, the man who was studying the Dragon Blood fruit.
As I walked off after telling them that it was nice to have met them, she came running up with her camera to show me a picture that her husband had taken earlier that day of one of her plant paintings. It was very nice.
I left that area and went into the dome that was outfitted as an English garden but on this day, it had three model trains running around in the center and a lot of things made with Legos from bridges to building.
I walked to the far side of the dome and found a little path that wandered off the main path a short way. It went about four feet and up a bit to a small platform that held a bench. I took out my book and decided to read for a while. The train sounds gave the whole place a waterfall sound that made this area seem very comfortable.
While sitting there, people of every kind would pass by on the main path. I would see a group of three ladies admiring some planting arrangement. There were a lot of older people with small children, Grandparents with Grandchildren? Some of us were by ourselves and maybe some of the "onlys" were really just waiting for someone else in another area.
While reading, a Mom and her friend came by followed by a few pre-school children; one little girl about four years old, came off the main path and started toward me. Her Mother noticed and called her back but she kept coming. When she got within a few feet of me, she held out her right hand to show me her flower ring. She was all dressed in purple and pink, the ring was too. I told her that it was so pretty and matched her outfit, and then asked if purple and pink were her favorite colors. She said, "yes" and retreated down the path. I thanked her for showing it to me and she turned once more with her hand outstretched to let me see it again.
I went back to my book. After reading for a while, I decided to find out what time it was so I packed my book and my water bottle back in my bag and got up. As I was walking out, a Grandmother was trying to call a small boy of about three to come over to her. The boy had a mind of his own and was all over the place. I turned to the Grandmother and said, "Would that we had that much energy." She agreed as I went by. The little boy decided to follow me. I heard his Grandmother tell him to come back and then she told him to wait for Grandpa who was also following. I stopped and turned. I told the little boy to find his Grandpa. At that he just turned and pointed to Grandpa who was trying to catch up with us. The little boy knew just where Grandpa was. So I continued but found that he was still following me so I made a large circle back to Grandpa but the child was having none of that now so he continued straight ahead.
I went into another of the domes and was approached by a lady who told me that she is a cellist with the Milwaukee Sympathy and this was her way to regroup. We talked about a lot of things. One thing that she was telling me about having to do with plants was very interesting so I asked where she got that information. She wrote the name of the book that I might find it in. After that I decided it was time to head home.
As I hadn't paid anything to get into the Domes, I decided to buy a plant. I went to the gift shop and found a desert gift dish with three small cacti in it. I decided to get it. From there I went to where I had hung my coat.
As I was taking my coat and hat off the hanger, I noticed a small boy that was about two sitting on a bench watching me while his mother was talking to another mother and dressing another child. He just stared at me so I smiled and said "Hi" a couple of times. He didn't react at all. I had my coat and hat on as I started to walk by, his mother wanted to dress him in his coat but he kept his eyes on me to the point where she turned around to look at me. Then he raised one hand and waved "Good-bye" to me as I left.
What a wonderful run-away. Not only did I get to interact with plants but people. I love people and because of that I created a mystery book club so I could interact with other people once a month. Perhaps that it isn't enough for me and I will have to find other ways to be around people and plants.
At first I invited a girlfriend to go with me to the Art Museum to a show that I have wanted to see but her sister was visiting so they couldn't go.
My next choice was the Milwaukee Domes. These are three large glass domes that house different environments. When I got there, they weren't charging any one to get in including the three bus-loads of children from a grade school outside of this area. So as you can imagine there were children all over the place. It made for a rather nice environment for me as I had spent most of my last four months as a recluse, writing my book.
I enjoyed the energy of the children and their curiosity is the most exciting thing about children. They were busy but well behaved and it was just fun to be with that much energy.
I walked through the "desert" dome and watched the children touch the plants with thorns on them, then back off.
I saw a man studying the fruit of a tree that looked like olives but the tree wasn't that of an olive tree. I asked him what it was and he didn't know so I went around the tree and found out it was a Dragon Blood tree that was over 100 years old. I remember someone wanting information on Dragon Blood at one time in the past and I had done research on it. I remembered that the sap or resin was used in the Middle East a great deal. I don't remember more about it at this time.
Walking on I found my friend Chaparral and asked her for one of her leaves. Thanking her, I chewed on it.
Next I went into the Tropical dome. The humidity had really changed. In the "tropical" dome, the children were marveling at the size of the fish in the pond.
I am in the market for some art for the cover of my book so my target was to find "Magic" in here, in some form. The children were starting to be rounded up and put back on the bus so it was a bit quieter now. I noticed a man taking a picture of the flower of a bromide so I went over to see how it came out. He did a good job. Later I saw a man taking pictures so I asked if he had found "magic" here, he smiled and told me it was everywhere. Then I saw a lady with a very expensive camera on the other side of the dome and hoped that she would stay there while I followed the paths. I went up to her and asked if she had found "Magic". She told me that she was looking for it. She is a painter and is in the middle of changing what she paints. I told her why I was asking and we exchanged cards. Then she introduced me to the man that I had talked to a little while ago, explaining that he was a professional photographer visiting from Scotland. I got his card. She told me to look at her paintings on her website and gave me her card. I was about to leave she introduced me to her husband, the man who was studying the Dragon Blood fruit.
As I walked off after telling them that it was nice to have met them, she came running up with her camera to show me a picture that her husband had taken earlier that day of one of her plant paintings. It was very nice.
I left that area and went into the dome that was outfitted as an English garden but on this day, it had three model trains running around in the center and a lot of things made with Legos from bridges to building.
I walked to the far side of the dome and found a little path that wandered off the main path a short way. It went about four feet and up a bit to a small platform that held a bench. I took out my book and decided to read for a while. The train sounds gave the whole place a waterfall sound that made this area seem very comfortable.
While sitting there, people of every kind would pass by on the main path. I would see a group of three ladies admiring some planting arrangement. There were a lot of older people with small children, Grandparents with Grandchildren? Some of us were by ourselves and maybe some of the "onlys" were really just waiting for someone else in another area.
While reading, a Mom and her friend came by followed by a few pre-school children; one little girl about four years old, came off the main path and started toward me. Her Mother noticed and called her back but she kept coming. When she got within a few feet of me, she held out her right hand to show me her flower ring. She was all dressed in purple and pink, the ring was too. I told her that it was so pretty and matched her outfit, and then asked if purple and pink were her favorite colors. She said, "yes" and retreated down the path. I thanked her for showing it to me and she turned once more with her hand outstretched to let me see it again.
I went back to my book. After reading for a while, I decided to find out what time it was so I packed my book and my water bottle back in my bag and got up. As I was walking out, a Grandmother was trying to call a small boy of about three to come over to her. The boy had a mind of his own and was all over the place. I turned to the Grandmother and said, "Would that we had that much energy." She agreed as I went by. The little boy decided to follow me. I heard his Grandmother tell him to come back and then she told him to wait for Grandpa who was also following. I stopped and turned. I told the little boy to find his Grandpa. At that he just turned and pointed to Grandpa who was trying to catch up with us. The little boy knew just where Grandpa was. So I continued but found that he was still following me so I made a large circle back to Grandpa but the child was having none of that now so he continued straight ahead.
I went into another of the domes and was approached by a lady who told me that she is a cellist with the Milwaukee Sympathy and this was her way to regroup. We talked about a lot of things. One thing that she was telling me about having to do with plants was very interesting so I asked where she got that information. She wrote the name of the book that I might find it in. After that I decided it was time to head home.
As I hadn't paid anything to get into the Domes, I decided to buy a plant. I went to the gift shop and found a desert gift dish with three small cacti in it. I decided to get it. From there I went to where I had hung my coat.
As I was taking my coat and hat off the hanger, I noticed a small boy that was about two sitting on a bench watching me while his mother was talking to another mother and dressing another child. He just stared at me so I smiled and said "Hi" a couple of times. He didn't react at all. I had my coat and hat on as I started to walk by, his mother wanted to dress him in his coat but he kept his eyes on me to the point where she turned around to look at me. Then he raised one hand and waved "Good-bye" to me as I left.
What a wonderful run-away. Not only did I get to interact with plants but people. I love people and because of that I created a mystery book club so I could interact with other people once a month. Perhaps that it isn't enough for me and I will have to find other ways to be around people and plants.
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